Forgiving Yourself

The hardest thing to is forgive. You may forget times and places but you always remember how someone made you feel. There is no hurt more painful than losing the hope for positive interactions. When people make us feel bad we internalize that pain. And many take it out on themselves. By believing that they are deserving of poor treatment and wicked words.

Some connections are so broken that communication became improbable. Beyond arguing and yelling there is nothing of value that can be shared between enemies unready to bury the hatchet. How do you let go of the disappointment caused by a relationship gone sour? How do you my move forward with a friend that betrayed your trust? How do you hit pause on the grievances initiated by family gossip?

But at the core of it all, you have to remember that moving on is the best remedy for healing. If you hold on too long... It's possible that you may go down with a sinking ship that's filled to the brim with emotional disdain. Swimming in sadness is the answer for many of us. I have seen people drink the bottle dry. Pop pills till their higher than the afternoon sky. Sniff coke till their noses turn red and they get the sniffles.

Though it alleviates the sting of discomfort. But this does little to remedy the loss of trust. Drugs and alcohol are unable to address the ache in the heart of man. That's why I stopped smoking. I found myself at the end of the blunt and wondered quietly, Why don't I feel better? 

It's healthier to deal with life from a sober perspective because the world medicates emotional pain but that solves nothing. So cry your tears. Ask your questions? Read books, dance, sing and shout. Fall down, dust yourself off and figure it out. Because life ain't easy but giving up instead of overcoming distress is much harder. 

It is my long held belief that forgiveness starts one step at a time. But it truly takes effect when you forgive yourself. Because the things we endure have a way of intensifying the way we see ourselves for better or for worse. That's why it's best to view yourself the way Jesus does. Or at least try too. His love is never ending. He is loyal beyond the stretch of the imagination. He leaves the 99 to go after the lost sheep and rejoices when it's found. Because He cares for us more than we could ever conceive. So if you think about it, forgiveness is necessary in order to love and live a fuller, happier life. 

Love always, Esha 

P.S. Check out my podcast Hope Speaks for the new episode Rant on Relationships