This is an inspirational blog that utilizes the medium of poetry and creative writing to tell stories.
My Lord let you're latter rain
Fall on the people
Open your ear to our plea
We cry for your help
In mourning and groaning
Falling on our knees
Let your glory and grace
Cover our needs
We run to the Father
While acknowledging the sacrifice of the Son
The unblemished Lamb
The Holy One
We will follow His lead
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| Photo by Ksenia Chernaya |
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| Photo by Jess Bailey Designs on Pexels.com |
I want to paint this neat picture of myself sometimes. By portraying a person that doesn’t exist but that’s not me. I’m honest to a fault. I can’t run be hid filters. I’m not afraid to show my imperfections because I spend my time trying to overcome them or learning to love them. So this is another side of me. I hope you like it.
Lately, I’ve had the oddest feeling. It’s as though I don’t want any of the things I once thought were important. At first, I thought that it was my duty to get married and have children. To live a life of tradition by building a family. But my heart no longer craves a partner. My soul has borne the grief of trying to make things work for too long. I have stained more pillow cases with bitter tears than I can count. And after my Father died, I longed for a love that I could hold onto that would hold me in return. Instead, I came home to the misery of a lover that I couldn’t trust. That utilized silent treachery. Keeping his thoughts and the content of his heart far from me.
For a decade, I ran from loneliness always clinging to the arm of someone that cared nothing for me so I wouldn’t have to be alone at night. Until I was backed into a corner and forced to spend time with myself. I have spent most of this year looking at my eating habits, career, prayer life, inspecting my personal goals and reviewing the breadth of my existence. Has my presence made this world a better place in any way? Or have I been selfish and self concerned? How do I treat people with the kindness that I desire to be treated with? Where do I go from here?
I don’t have the answers I seek. But I know that this upcoming year, I will continue to do the spiritual work that it takes to grow as a person. There is no relationship or friendship that will heal the pain I refuse to address or acknowledge. I was bullied constantly as a child and a teenager. It left me drained and searching for an identity that would keep me safe in a cruel world. So at times, I’m too tough or I freeze looking for words that are acceptable. Because deep down… I have always felt hated for being outspoken.
Though I may always be opinionated and a bit over dramatic I will continue to speak the truth. I don’t mind calling out my own flaws in the process. Because Jesus has granted me the grace and mercy to move past my indiscretions and forgive myself. And I look forward to the day, when I look back and laugh at the things that once made me cry. Because they taught me lessons that money can’t buy. Thank you for reading.
Love always, Esha <3
Be like the flowers. The lilies of the field do not want for sun. Neither do they cry out for rain. Bending and swaying without the request of a cool breeze. Existing without bills. Doing as they please. They are taken care of. Be like the lilies that live with ease.
Love always, Esha <3
Warning: These are my thoughts and feelings about my journey thus far.
As of late, I have endured one difficult situation after another. But one thought always creeps into my mind at moments like this... I remember that God will never give me more than I can bear and I know that He has made me to be a conqueror. So no matter what I face, I know that Jesus is mighty in battle therefore I already won.
For decades, I was under the belief that God forgot about me. That somehow the hard times were meant to return me into the dust from which I came. But it never occurred to me that the very things that I thought would kill me were only meant to smooth out my rough edges. There are areas in my soul that God wanted to take a sledgehammer to so that I could be used for His glory.
While I am in the middle of being formed into someone I couldn't become on my own I realize that... all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). Because I am stubborn but the changes that are happening in me are out of necessity. And I have to be okay with knowing that one day this will all make sense when I look over the totality of my life.
The hardest part about believing in God is trusting in Him completely. Yesterday, I felt like the world was out of whack. I looked in the mirror and questioned, how I could live a life that lacked stability? I wondered if I could survive without the presence of my wonderful Father and his witty yet crude remarks? Who am I without my Dad's 6 foot shadow towering over me and restricting my outlandish nature?
Relying on the unchanging hand God without the comfort of a patriarch to guide me is hard. Even though I see myself as an outspoken woman the truth is... I always had a strong male role model in my life. So I trusted in his judgement more than I should have at times. I ran to him for advice like a child running to an arcade game. Now I have no choice but to let go and let God.
My heavenly Father will have to replace the one I lost on earth. But life has taught me that there is no friend that can compare to Jesus. He died for me while I was in sin so I will live for Him. Despite the challenges, I encounter, my heart will endure as a result of my faith. In time, all the things that once made me cry will make me smile. And my crazy life story will become a testimony that encourages all those who wait for the break of a new dawn to rise in their bleak sky. Hopefully, I will lead people to remember that all children of God were made to shine.
Love always, Esha <3
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| Image by Ely Penner from Pixabay |
In the course of life, you interact with people. Hold hands, join in laughter, cry together in moments of pain. Some connections last forever, others are reduced to a brief yet memorable moment in time. Yet some individuals are utterly forgotten like copper pennies rusting at the bottom of the sea. The blue salty water floats over their memory. But the truth remains the same. So you go through life with a vague, distant memory of a familiar face you once knew.
Love always, Esha
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| Photo by sarajuggernaut |
The rocks will not cry out. But the rivers shall swell. Still the banks will rise. Yet the sun will shine. The mountain will remain ever high but the brave will climb. For the day will come when you will yell out for a thirst... that the body can not supply. And in place of lifeless stones your soul will cry.
Love always, Esha
When my Dad died and my boyfriend turned into a nightmare on squeaky wheels. God held my hand and gathered together the pieces of my broken heart and for that I am forever grateful. Because my life has been one train wreck after another. But now I don’t feel so alone anymore. I have a heavenly Father with cattle on a thousand hills and the things I am unable to do my God will. I gotta be honest. I gotta keep it real. Sometimes, it gets cold out here….
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Photo by Jessica Lewis Creative |
Way Maker
You make the dream worthwhile. Creating and reinventing prayers that your love brought back in-style. By answering my desperate cries for help and letting me know that I’m not in the struggle by myself. You are the savior that the comics ignored. You are the way maker that the outcast adore. You are bigger than the gold that coats hardened hearts. You break the yoke of iniquity and set the captives free. And in my hour of need you comforted me. For that and so much more you are a true friend indeed.
Love always, Esha
I can not cry today. My eyes burn from the lessons I learned. But still I feel relieved. The things that I didn't know have come to comfort me.
Love always, Esha
