Empty Heart

 

People seek to inspire 

For financial gain 

With no desire to help people that have lost everything 

The truth spreads like wildfire 

But lies run sour 

Like a sore that wasn't treated 

Or a friendship 

Gone bad 

In these days of hits and misses 

People search the closest inspiration 

They can grab 

Rarely questioning the sender 

And poor intent 

We all gotta eat 

But surviving off fake cures should never pay the rent 

A couple days go by and the quick money 

Is past the point of spent 

But what about the person in need 

Self help, motivational speech and guru's 

Linked up with the who's who 

Fail to address the problem 

Turn to the Bible 

And churches devoid of pay per view miracles  

For something that will feed the soul 

Everyone is seeking something that an empty heart can hold 

Love always, Esha 

 

Photo by Jess Bailey Designs on Pexels.com

I want to paint this neat picture of myself sometimes. By portraying a person that doesn’t exist but that’s not me. I’m honest to a fault. I can’t run be hid filters. I’m not afraid to show my imperfections because I spend my time trying to overcome them or learning to love them. So this is another side of me. I hope you like it.

Lately, I’ve had the oddest feeling. It’s as though I don’t want any of the things I once thought were important. At first, I thought that it was my duty to get married and have children. To live a life of tradition by building a family. But my heart no longer craves a partner. My soul has borne the grief of trying to make things work for too long. I have stained more pillow cases with bitter tears than I can count. And after my Father died, I longed for a love that I could hold onto that would hold me in return. Instead, I came home to the misery of a lover that I couldn’t trust. That utilized silent treachery. Keeping his thoughts and the content of his heart far from me.

For a decade, I ran from loneliness always clinging to the arm of someone that cared nothing for me so I wouldn’t have to be alone at night. Until I was backed into a corner and forced to spend time with myself. I have spent most of this year looking at my eating habits, career, prayer life, inspecting my personal goals and reviewing the breadth of my existence. Has my presence made this world a better place in any way? Or have I been selfish and self concerned? How do I treat people with the kindness that I desire to be treated with? Where do I go from here?

I don’t have the answers I seek. But I know that this upcoming year, I will continue to do the spiritual work that it takes to grow as a person. There is no relationship or friendship that will heal the pain I refuse to address or acknowledge. I was bullied constantly as a child and a teenager. It left me drained and searching for an identity that would keep me safe in a cruel world. So at times, I’m too tough or I freeze looking for words that are acceptable. Because deep down… I have always felt hated for being outspoken.

Though I may always be opinionated and a bit over dramatic I will continue to speak the truth. I don’t mind calling out my own flaws in the process. Because Jesus has granted me the grace and mercy to move past my indiscretions and forgive myself. And I look forward to the day, when I look back and laugh at the things that once made me cry. Because they taught me lessons that money can’t buy. Thank you for reading.

Love always, Esha  <3

Unknown Place

You bring me back to a familiar yet unknown place. It's the breath of you. The movement of your steady words. The feel of your uneasy truth. The way you calm the riffs in the cliff of my soul.

Hold me... till I can no longer let go. Because I run from the feeling of love. And I clamor at the stoop of rejection. There is no hope at the end of a rope that burns tender palms. But you keep on pulling me back in. Telling me that I can't get through a difficult situation without breaking a little.

You treat my wounds with aloe and salve. Then wrap my hands with bandages and gauze, covered in hope. Telling me that I'm one of your chosen that despite my faults I am loved beyond measure. That my heart is an oasis and my time is treasured... And that's why I call you my redeemer. 



Love always, Esha 

A Lie

Don’t be mad at poor responses to honest sentiments. Some people can’t handle the truth because they spent their whole life living a lie.

Love always, Esha 

Podcast Segment & Poetry: Aren't Acquired Easily

Aren’t Acquired Easily

I waited for the break of aging time 

But wrinkles never formed on the hands 

And rust never touched the dial

Meanwhile, I moved eagerly to the sound of tic toc tic 

My arms stretched out like eagle wings ready to soar 

My feet stepped in sequence to the beat of unrealized dreams

Deadlines have evaded me 

Pit stops have kept me sidetracked too long  

I begged and pleaded for a moment 

That surpassed my meager understanding 

Patience is not on my side 

But I nurture it with hope birthed in the belly of the trenches 

Awaiting a season that beckons the seed 

That laid dormant in harsh winters 

And endured the bitter rain of a spring not quite broken 

That sat through the abundantly hot weather of summer 

Only to arrive at fall all over again 

Do not let the time of harvest past me 

Let my crops rise up strong from barren, decrepit soil 

The foundation is hard but my ground is solid 

The wind may blow but my bedrock will not giveaway 

The sound of steady brass ticking 

Fills my heart with anticipation 

Everyday is another chance to face my struggles and grow 

No amount of daylight savings can stop the progress I have made

I am claiming my tomorrow today

There is no biological clock bigger than my aspirations 

I will live with the sunshine on my face 

And the darkness on my back 

Standing in the truth that is awaiting those who smile in the midst of adversity 

Now and forever my heart will sing a new song 

I will sit near the edge of the dock awaiting the breath of daybreak 

Soon my seeds will blossom 

And I will dance upon the ease of their arrival 

Their leaves will open like unraveling scrolls of truth, 

Not yet realized 

But ready to exist in the cool breeze of Monday mornings 

Awaiting the warm feeling of resting dew drops 

Time has taught me patience 

Because the greatest things in this life 

Aren’t acquired easily

Love always, Esha

Check out my podcast Hope Speaks Episode 12

Call of the Shepherd

Image by Catherine Stockinger from Pixabay

Open hearts await for your call 

Horns sounds at the mention of your name 

Sadness fades at the acknowledgment of your greatness 

Fears are buried with the troubles of yesterday 

Old news has been placed on the back porch 

Shrubbery can never replace the burning bush from which you spoke 

Silent minds lay ready and eager for thoughts capable of filling them 

Let the blazing sunshine of cool truth give answers to those who seek them 

Sheep graze in the pasture waiting for a shepherd to lead them 

Even when one has gone astray, He chases after it 

And rejoices when the lamb is found 

Ready and willing to provide nourishment and encouragement to the lost

So we await the voice of the loving redeemer

We pray for blessings curious eyes have yet to see 

A brighter tomorrow gilded by the triumphant sound of victory 

We will always hearken to the call of Jesus Christ

Love always, Esha

Overflowing Love

 

The fire burns to light the dark corners of the world. To replace unbelief with power. To give birth to the truth of a sinner's prayer. Laying open the damage inside the human soul that many never saw was there. His hand is never changing. A love that overflows like running water. Turn the faucet to the max so it pours out. And thirsty hearts are able to bathe in the overflow of God. Drenched from head to toe in favor and mercy that goes beyond human comprehension. Vulnerable before the King who loved you no matter your condition. Because He cares just that much.  

Love always, Esha 

Listen to Hope Speaks Podcast Episode 10: Overflowing Love

Useless Lies

Photo by 0fjd125gk87 

There is no no lie worth living. Only the truth can withstand the storm of life. Fables pass away but reality will stand the test of time. 

Love always, Esha 

Chains

 

Photo by Miguel u00c1. Padriu00f1u00e1n 

Rusty shackles clink. They stink of old iron overused. Leaving orangish hues on pale wrists that came into the world chain free. The world binds up the truth and locks it away. Anticipating that trapped souls never escape. But an eye with a singular purpose fills the body with light. Salvation is a narrow road but it’s worth the fight.

Love always, Esha 

Open Sky

Photo by Esha Montgomery 

 


Tell me the truth. So that I may taste it's fruit with lips birthed of flesh but full of promise. Let words of living water flow from a well that never runs dry. It is limitless like the open sky. 



Love, Esha 

Molded Bread

Pic by Shutterbug75

Gloom is a shadow that thankful souls don’t need. Cast it aside like bad food. Don’t consume the sadness created by the few. Who seek ignorance and ignore the truth. Stand up against the rising feeling of anxiety. Do not eat of it’s fruit. It grows in the world like mold taking to old bread. Too far to be reversed to blackened to get ahead. Walk a different path instead. Go against the grain.

Love always, Esha

Failing Evil

 

Photo by George Becker from Pexels

Fear has become a fad in this dystopian society

People are afraid of everything

They run from the sight of their own shadow

Turning a blind eye to the truth that discomforts their achy soul 

Irritated by those who speak their mind freely

Disgusted by narratives they are unable to control 

There is no argument to be had

Because utilizing discourse to find common ground 

Has gone out the window

So their right by default

And anyone that disagrees is at fault... 

If your brother sees the world through a different lens 

Why cling to disdain? 

Can you not love through disagreements? 

Make peace with a difference of opinion 

Search for the truth instead of accepting lies 

Spoon fed to you through TV 

But fallacy will hold you 

And reality will leave you cold 

It takes a strong mind to believe in something 

Beyond what their told 

Make an effort to see past the moment 

Look forward instead 

Because the person you ignore 

May butter your bread 

But an empty soul can't be fed 

Love always, Esha  <3

Leaving Enemies

Photo by Brett Sayles

Don’t focus on the snares of the enemy. It just means your someone worth fighting. For every battle that’s won there is an opposing side. They attack with lethal precision. Hoping you fall to the waste side. Going after your character. Attempting to eat away at your insides.

Turning reality into fallacy for the purpose of twisted fantasy to create a monster out of you. That’s what haters do. They aim low and watch you sail high. As your swimming with the white doves. Their trying to touch the baby blue sky. But in order to reach you they have to elevate their mind. Pray and fast in overtime in search of the way. The love that was ignored in the past can be found today.

But warmongers get left behind. They are the residue of sadness that blessed souls left to move forward in time. Dust off your sandals and move. Your presence shouldn’t be wasted arguing with fools. But your enemies are people who pretended to be your friends. The truth starts when the fictitious rainbow ends.

Love always, Esha

My Truth: Flaws and All

Photo by Isom Jacobs

I need to believe there’s something more to this life. That I wasn’t born to suffer and remain misunderstood and mistreated as a result. Taking repeated glances in the mirror has shown me that I am a quirky, impulsive, witty, socially awkward, quick talking woman but with all my imperfections… I desire to be someone worth loving.

I have been trying to fix myself for so long. It probably started back in 5th grade. I didn’t want to be teased anymore. People constantly called me an oreo (black on the outside, white on the inside) so I tried to speak slang and I changed my clothes. Nevertheless, it didn’t help and I felt stupid for trying so hard. Because I wasn’t being honest with myself.

In my soul, I just keep praying that God made me for a purpose greater than I could ever imagine. Because the thought of being some science experiment gone wrong is painful to me. And the hard part is knowing that this world revolves around concepts I can't understand like social media, picture filters and perfectionism. Sometimes, I'm a little jacked up but my mission to improve myself has always revolved around being health conscious, spiritually aware and mentally stable.  Sometimes, I look out among the sea of people and I wonder… where do I belong? Ever since my Dad died and I ended my 3 year relationship, I’ve been questioning everything. 

Honestly, my Father is the only man that ever loved me or made me feel like I matter in this world. But now it feels like I’m discovering who I am all over again. Because so much of who I am as a person was tied into my relationship with my Dad. No matter what I did or how much I irritated him he was always so happy to see me.

I can still remember all the piggyback rides he gave me. When I turned 10 years old, he told me I was getting too big to ride his back. I cried for days. I was so upset that I couldn’t be his baby girl anymore until he made it clear that I would always be his little girl. Where did the time go? And who am I without my Dad? Will a man that I care for ever love me unconditionally the way my Father did?

I’m taking things one day at a time. I could fill an ocean with all the tears I’ve cried. I’m falling apart on the inside. But I can’t help but to think that this is part of the healing process. It would be easier to apply some crazy glue and put myself back together again. If I could just tape up my heart and attach all the things I lost in the course of losing my best friend I would be okay. But the truth is my journey to discovering who I am started long before travesty hit my life like a F5 tornado.

The truth is… I’m not broken. I’m different. And maybe I’ll never fit in but I’m going to try and find the way that’s predestined for me. Because even if I never figure everything out I know that I have a Father in heaven that loves me very very much. I hope everyone reading this knows that they are fearfully and wonderfully made. Keep the faith and never let a little bit of shade block your sunshine.

Love always, Esha

Unpopular Reality

Give me the truth 

One thing I learned about lying 

Is the upkeep cost is too high 

Because you have to lie again to maintain a lie 

So tell me the truth 

Even if it curls your upper lip 

And brings salty disappointment to trusting eyes 

I can't live in the dark 

Unaware of the light 

Always wondering why the story didn't make sense 

Sensing the inconsistencies in my mind 

Knowing that I'm being deceived 

 

By a fallacy that is wasting my precious time 

So tell me the truth 

I triple dog dare you to be honest 

Be the opposite of mainstream news 

And tell me the unpopular reality 

Give me the meat with the bones 

Leave no stone unturned in it's deliverance 

Either way it goes down like bitter medicine 

The hardest part is admitting to it's sour taste

Accepting it comes with time 

But even if it desolates 

The life I believed to be fine 

I would like to hear it, 

All the same  

Because you can't have the sunshine 

Without a little rain 

 Love always, Esha