Enough Food

I don't have enough food to feed you. My reservoir lacks the means to kept the thirst away. But for the rest of my menial existence... My heart will give your love a place to stay. 

Love always, Esha 

Full Love

Let your love be full and rich like water swelling in a babbling brook... so that I may swim as well. 

Love always, Esha 

God's Love

Faith has been known to move mountains. It is the substance that dreams and blessings are made of. Just a bit of it is enough to garner God's love. 

Till next time, Esha 

Unlearned

I can not cry today. My eyes burn from the lessons I learned. But still I feel relieved. The things that I didn't know have come to comfort me. 

Love always, Esha 

Leaving Enemies

Photo by Brett Sayles

Don’t focus on the snares of the enemy. It just means your someone worth fighting. For every battle that’s won there is an opposing side. They attack with lethal precision. Hoping you fall to the waste side. Going after your character. Attempting to eat away at your insides.

Turning reality into fallacy for the purpose of twisted fantasy to create a monster out of you. That’s what haters do. They aim low and watch you sail high. As your swimming with the white doves. Their trying to touch the baby blue sky. But in order to reach you they have to elevate their mind. Pray and fast in overtime in search of the way. The love that was ignored in the past can be found today.

But warmongers get left behind. They are the residue of sadness that blessed souls left to move forward in time. Dust off your sandals and move. Your presence shouldn’t be wasted arguing with fools. But your enemies are people who pretended to be your friends. The truth starts when the fictitious rainbow ends.

Love always, Esha

My Truth: Flaws and All

Photo by Isom Jacobs

I need to believe there’s something more to this life. That I wasn’t born to suffer and remain misunderstood and mistreated as a result. Taking repeated glances in the mirror has shown me that I am a quirky, impulsive, witty, socially awkward, quick talking woman but with all my imperfections… I desire to be someone worth loving.

I have been trying to fix myself for so long. It probably started back in 5th grade. I didn’t want to be teased anymore. People constantly called me an oreo (black on the outside, white on the inside) so I tried to speak slang and I changed my clothes. Nevertheless, it didn’t help and I felt stupid for trying so hard. Because I wasn’t being honest with myself.

In my soul, I just keep praying that God made me for a purpose greater than I could ever imagine. Because the thought of being some science experiment gone wrong is painful to me. And the hard part is knowing that this world revolves around concepts I can't understand like social media, picture filters and perfectionism. Sometimes, I'm a little jacked up but my mission to improve myself has always revolved around being health conscious, spiritually aware and mentally stable.  Sometimes, I look out among the sea of people and I wonder… where do I belong? Ever since my Dad died and I ended my 3 year relationship, I’ve been questioning everything. 

Honestly, my Father is the only man that ever loved me or made me feel like I matter in this world. But now it feels like I’m discovering who I am all over again. Because so much of who I am as a person was tied into my relationship with my Dad. No matter what I did or how much I irritated him he was always so happy to see me.

I can still remember all the piggyback rides he gave me. When I turned 10 years old, he told me I was getting too big to ride his back. I cried for days. I was so upset that I couldn’t be his baby girl anymore until he made it clear that I would always be his little girl. Where did the time go? And who am I without my Dad? Will a man that I care for ever love me unconditionally the way my Father did?

I’m taking things one day at a time. I could fill an ocean with all the tears I’ve cried. I’m falling apart on the inside. But I can’t help but to think that this is part of the healing process. It would be easier to apply some crazy glue and put myself back together again. If I could just tape up my heart and attach all the things I lost in the course of losing my best friend I would be okay. But the truth is my journey to discovering who I am started long before travesty hit my life like a F5 tornado.

The truth is… I’m not broken. I’m different. And maybe I’ll never fit in but I’m going to try and find the way that’s predestined for me. Because even if I never figure everything out I know that I have a Father in heaven that loves me very very much. I hope everyone reading this knows that they are fearfully and wonderfully made. Keep the faith and never let a little bit of shade block your sunshine.

Love always, Esha

Cautious

Be cautious, high voltage.

Maybe rude

Maybe kind

Snap off without notice

Then act like everything’s fine

Sincere eyes tucked behind a wise grin

Never know if you’ll see them again

They’re rare like hitting the lottery

Fickled like catching the wind

Stepping out every so often

To feel the sand in-between loose toes

To laugh at past mistakes

To blow kisses out the car window

But they disappear with the arrival of snow

When the birds return

Love blooms with the scents of spring

And their ambitions soar on feathered wings

But until then be cautious

Love always, Esha